saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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