whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wish you could order shots online.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize