Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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