Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
