OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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