well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
