her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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