Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
