I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
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I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
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He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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