Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's official drugs can't kill me
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We have started to decorate penises.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
