Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
