did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Never joke about your clitoris.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
