She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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