dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
