he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He? As in you personified your dick?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
