Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
