Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
