i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
