I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
