Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The feeling are messing with the penis
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
