remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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