Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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