I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Randomize
