Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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