If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
