I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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