i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
