i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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