I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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