I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
