isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just forgot I was standing up.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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