We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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