Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
