just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
