you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
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