i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
