so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
