what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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