i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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