Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
