Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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