You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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