i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Best friends brother. Beat that.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
