A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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