walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
