The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
