please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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