I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
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Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
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Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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