i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Randomize
