I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
