The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
