He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
