there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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