OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
