true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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