why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Fuck me I smell like cheese
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
