I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
