you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
