Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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