I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
