Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
