He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
